Hirsch dropped us a note the other day to say that the last leg of his epic round the world trip would be bringing him back home to the USA on June 11.

Yes! Hirsch is flying to Santa Barbara from Sydney Australia on Friday, and will be heading up to visit Kona USA in Ferndale and then Kona Canada in Vancouver.

So, we asked him to tell us:

a) how many countries
b) how many miles
c) how many flats
d) how many days

And he replied like this:

a) legally or illegally entered? well, since the trip is still tripping, i better stick with the legal stuff, so they can’t arrest me…yet! but i’ve lost count…so let me check my passport…oh, wait, that was stolen (and painstakingly replaced) in bolivia so it’s no longer accurate. so let me check my memory. well, hell’s bells, my mind was actually sucked right the hell out of me in kazakhstan so i can’t remember a gold dern thing prior to that vast vacuum of a country. so in an effort to be short-winded and cut to the point, as i’m often not so prone to do, i would say i have been to no less than one and no more than (and this is the answer) 63 countries (as long as you “count” those ten minutes blasting through lichtenstein!)

b) sorry, no longer a mile man…i’ve been metrically converted and now – kill out the ‘lometers – and only think in those 1,000 meter bundles, but it’s just a matter of multiplying by zeropointsixtyone and we can all do that in a jiffy in our heads now, cain’t we? but the gold dern thing is that for the first few weeks (way back in 2005 (ancient histroy!)), i ain’t even had me a speedometer or nothing, and when i finally got one it quit on me in quito, ecuador and didn’t come back to life until lima, peru and was officially irreconcilably murdered in morocco. but in an effort to cliffs notes this down to something user-friendly and reasonably brief, i would have to say i have ridden no less than 1 (0.61 miles) km and no more than (and this is the answer!) 90,000 (54,900 miles) kms (and i still be going!!)

c) my $4 us dollar per day budget is alerting me that if i continue these long winded wisecracks, my bill for this internet venture will not allow me to eat for the rest of today or tomorrow, and so, in an effort to cut to the chase, i have never been flat…in fact, many people say i’m “full of it”, but (and here’s the answer), i’d say about a baker’s dozen with the longest “full of it” stretch being from barcelona to istanbul (via the indirect route incorporating the northern most point in norway) with absitively, positutely ZERO flats!

d) 1,818 days…unless we must subtract the sixteen day battle in india of hIrSch versus the pesky parasites during the duration of which i cycled not a centimeter, but, rather, squatted over a hole on the ground and everything inside me came out (including my spleen, which, incidentally, is an unnecessary organ anyhow), but in the end i was victorious because, included in that “everything” that came out of me, the parasites also passed as they had nothing else to liquefy, and so, after two weeks and two days, i hopped back on my three-wheeled iron pony and pedalled and thus continued my continuing quest and crusade, always in search : in search of whatever may come….

So if you’re up for a ride heading North on the West Coast, even a day or two, check in with Hirsch and catch up before the rest of us read his eagerly awaited blog update, including his adventures in SouthEast Asia and Australia….

Hirsch’s e-mail is hirschhirsch@gmail.com